In Memory

On June 6th, as school and sporting activities were wrapping up for the year, we had a sad and surprising turn of events in our family. My maternal grandmother Verlene, more commonly known as "Nana" to us, passed away at the age of 85. Although she had been living with the slowly-progressing effects of Alzheimer's, her health had been relatively stable, despite some falls and infections. But as it turned out, her heart was just too sick, and it was, sadly, her time to go. Nana's world may have been small, but I'm so glad we were a part of it. And she was definitely a present and engaged grandmother for all of my life. These are pictures of some flowers and a collage at her small memorial:

I wrote a small tribute to her which I read at the memorial. This is the text of what I shared:

Over the recent weeks, I’ve made it a point to stop and think about the things that made Nana unique, things that those of us in her small inner circle will remember. There are the obvious outward qualities such as her memorable and perfectly-coiffured hair, her awesome long nails, her affinity for Cadillacs, hummingbirds, and pastel clothing. I still remember the dress she wore to our wedding. Nana did NOT like to shop, but I remember it was important to her to get a new dress for that day, which you, Mom, helped her pick out. And she looked beautiful. It was the perfect shade of periwinkle, which is one of your, mine, and Nana’s favorite colors of all time.

Nana also had absolutely beautiful handwriting. I think at one time or another I wanted to emulate the flowery style with which she signed many birthday cards. For most of her life, Nana had what seemed to us to be superhuman hearing. I think it was sometimes a blessing to her and sometimes a curse, but it was amazing the things she could hear. And as someone who’s always been interested in linguistics, Nana had the most unique way of putting her thoughts into words. Her euphemisms and unique pronunciations were quite endearing. I think she’s the only person who ever called me Kris. And, secretly, I liked it.

Nana and Tat were a constant presence in our childhood since they always lived nearby. They were always there for the big events, celebrations, and family get-togethers. Did I mention Nana did not like to shop? Well, even so, she made sure her shopping elf of a daughter helped her pick out the perfect birthday or Christmas gifts for me, Matt, and, later, Nathan and Evan. And on Christmas morning Nana and Tat always showed up to see our loot once Santa had arrived and we had had time to take inventory.  Nana was always a dependable chauffeur for me and Matt after school. She was never late, the Caddy was always clean, and Neil Diamond was always coming from the cassette deck.

Some people’s impact on the world is louder and more obvious than others. We all want to think, though, that we make an impact while we’re here and leave the world a better place once we’re gone. As a mom, I’ve learned that one of the most difficult, but certainly most rewarding, jobs one can have is raising children. And it’s pretty obvious to me that Nana’s greatest accomplishment and legacy to this world was having you, Mom. You are the greatest daughter, mom, and grandma that anyone could ask for. And although I know the last few years were very difficult at times, I know it was a labor of love. I saw you make every effort to make Nana as comfortable and happy as she could be. It wasn’t easy. But whether it was little things like trying to find her the perfect slippers or nightgown, or big things like moving and organizing all her living arrangements and finances, you were there to take care of her. And you helped her live the kind of life she wanted to live.

Although Nana fortunately lived a long life, I know it felt sudden and unexpected when she passed. I hope it isn’t too much of a stretch, but I was thinking back to our many family get-togethers at your house. When Nana or Tat felt it was time to leave, they left quickly. There were no lingering goodbyes, and no need to stay to the end of the night. But I think we’re all left with the same feeling: I wish she could have stayed longer.

We’ll miss you, Nana. Rest in peace. And wherever you are, I hope it’s full of color.

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On September 20th, our family will walk in a local Walk to End Alzheimer's in Nana's honor. Hopefully someday dementia will be something that only lives in the past. For now, we'll remember.